You left her stranded alone when she needed you the most. You completely tore her to pieces then got annoyed at her for not being whole. Don’t ever tell me you didn’t know what you were doing because we both know you knew exactly what you were doing. Tell me, was it because you know she’s the best you could ever get so in your sick twisted mind you decided that you didn’t want her to realize her worth because you know she will leave you? Was it all just a game to you? How dare you come in like a tsunami and rip her world apart? How can you possibly have a clear concious? I can’t wait for the day she realizes you’re not worth shit, and stops crying over a boy who isn’t worth a tear. She has this unique beauty about her and guess what? You’re never going to find it in anyone else. She was one of a kind and you lost her.
Lyrics of All Eyes On You by Alice Boman from her album EP II. It hit me, really hard.
And I still feel the same
I remember our first kiss. We kissed under the rain. It was raining so hard but we didn’t care. It was the sweetest kiss ever.
I remember one time, I was so damn sleepy. I fell asleep while we kiss. It was the funniest kiss ever.
I remember our last kiss. I wanted to feel your lips with mine, but you didn’t want to. But still, I kissed you. And you walked away. It was the most painful kiss ever.
Every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years.
How comforting it is to know that one day, I will have a body you will have never touched.
But.. brain cells are not replaceable. How tormenting it is to know, that you will still continue to linger in my thoughts.
There I was, standing in front of you with tears in my eyes, unable to say what I so desperately wanted to say. You stood there, silently waiting as the burning in my throat intensified with each word that went unsaid. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t do it. My throat was on fire and I didn’t have the courage to put it out. I knew that your arms around me would smother the flames, and that your lips on mine would reignite them in a completely different way. But I was crying, and you were standing there looking at me with pity in your eyes. So I said nothing, my body frozen with fear as the fire raged on inside. And I let you leave.
The funny thing is that I had known exactly what I wanted to say.
I would have told you that I want you and that ever since you left all that I can think about is my head on your chest and your arms all around me.
I would have told you that I long for your legs to once again be intertwined with mine; how I miss the way you would move against me while you slept and the sleepy, confused face you would make when you woke up.
I would have told you that I still stay up late thinking of you. And that the first thing I think of when I wake up is you, too.
I would have told you that my days are empty without hearing from you, and that I still haven’t figured out how to fill the void you’ve left in my life.
I would have told you that you had awakened something in me that I had previously thought I wasn’t capable of feeling. That I don’t know how to go back to being my old self without you, and worse, I’m not sure that I want to.
I would have told you that I want to eat dinner with you even though I have to go to work at midnight, because the future wouldn’t matter if you were here with me now.
I would have told you that I miss your stupid sense of humor that used to make me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe, and the pleased little smirk you used to make as you watched me gasping for air.
I would have told you that I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street, because no matter how cold it is outside your hand in mine gives me all the warmth I need.
I would have told you that I want to make you so happy that as you lay in bed at night you start to wonder if it was all a dream.
I would have told you that I love your flaws, and that I love our differences, because we balance each other out in a way I never thought possible.
I would have told you that I want to be constantly surprised by you, to learn something new about you every day, because I can’t imagine ever possibly being bored by you.
I would have told you that I want to be what you reach for when you wake up in the middle of the night, that I would wrap my arms around you like no blanket ever could.
And lastly, I would have told you that I need you, and only you, in the simplest of ways.
But instead, I let you walk away. Because these are all things that I’ll never say.
Revised. Originally by Jordan Taylor.
When you choose to love someone who is damaged, you take on the weight of their past, their pain, their guilt.
You must be strong.
You must be patient.
You can stop the bleeding, and help them scar over. But they will always, always be a little broken.
If you can handle that, if you can accept the dents and cracks, if you can get them to trust you, you will never find a better ally than one who is damaged.
Above all else: they know about survival. After all, they are still here wondering if someone like you will ever love them.
I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know: whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.
Ps. I do not own this.
If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you.. It’s love. And when you love someone, you don’t stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes, or call you crazy. Even that. Especially that. You just, you don’t give up. Because if I could give up, if I could just take the whole worlds advice, and move on and find someone else, that wouldn’t be love. That would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for.