You left her stranded alone when she needed you the most. You completely tore her to pieces then got annoyed at her for not being whole. Don’t ever tell me you didn’t know what you were doing because we both know you knew exactly what you were doing. Tell me, was it because you know she’s the best you could ever get so in your sick twisted mind you decided that you didn’t want her to realize her worth because you know she will leave you? Was it all just a game to you? How dare you come in like a tsunami and rip her world apart? How can you possibly have a clear concious? I can’t wait for the day she realizes you’re not worth shit, and stops crying over a boy who isn’t worth a tear. She has this unique beauty about her and guess what? You’re never going to find it in anyone else. She was one of a kind and you lost her.
I don’t know if I have anything left to be broken. I’ve been torn into million pieces. I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t want to exist in this world anymore.
Lyrics of All Eyes On You by Alice Boman from her album EP II. It hit me, really hard.
And I still feel the same
I wish I could stop being inlove with you, I really do. I wish I could stop thinking about you. I wish I could stop talking about you. I wish I could stop looking at our photos and watching your videos on my phone. I wish I could stop myself from checking your Facebook timeline or your Instagram. I wish I could stop myself from waiting for you to say hi to me or to check if I’m okay. I wish I could stop remembering you in whatever I do or whatever I see, or in every song I listen to, or in every food I eat, or anywhere I go. I wish I could stop losing you everytime I remember you, every single time. I wish I could stop wishing for you to come back to me and to tell me that you still love me. I wish I could stop myself from crying everytime you cross my mind. But I can’t. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, no matter who I’m with, I can’t stop thinking about you and hoping that you’re with me. I can’t stop myself from wishing that you think of me too. I can’t stop waiting for you to come back. I can’t stop myself from loving you. And it’s so painful and depressing to see you happy, and that you don’t even give a damn about me. It’s like we never knew each other at all. And I can’t believe that after everything, it was so easy for you to treat me like a stranger. How could you break my heart every single time? How is it possible that I lose you every time? I don’t know where I went wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I loved you too much and you didn’t love me enough.
I’ve been hurt so many times by just one person. The person I loved and trusted the most. The only person I never imagined ever, to abandon me. The one who made me so happy before. And I never expected that he’d be able to hurt me. I still can’t figure out how easy it was for him to just leave me like this. I never expected that losing him would hurt so much that I forgot how to live. I cannot focus on my job, I can’t focus on anything. I forgot how to be happy, how to smile, how to get along with people, with my friends. I forgot how to take care of myself. I’ve been having health issues lately. I almost got hospitalized and he didn’t even gave a damn. I forgot who I am. I don’t know how to be myself again. I’m not perfect. I have flaws. I made mistakes as well. But what I’m going through right now is just really tearing me into pieces. I forgot everything and I’m sorry but I was so damn inlove with this person and I was so damn happy that I can’t handle this pain and sadness. I don’t know how to be okay, or if I’ll be okay. I don’t even know myself anymore. Unfortunately, I’m so lost and I don’t know where or how to find myself. I’m so broken and I don’t know how to be myself again. I didn’t just lose him, I lost myself too. So please tell me, how?
Every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years.
How comforting it is to know that one day, I will have a body you will have never touched.
But.. brain cells are not replaceable. How tormenting it is to know, that you will still continue to linger in my thoughts.
When you choose to love someone who is damaged, you take on the weight of their past, their pain, their guilt.
You must be strong.
You must be patient.
You can stop the bleeding, and help them scar over. But they will always, always be a little broken.
If you can handle that, if you can accept the dents and cracks, if you can get them to trust you, you will never find a better ally than one who is damaged.
Above all else: they know about survival. After all, they are still here wondering if someone like you will ever love them.
Once you learn to love someone, it’s really hard to hate them. No matter how much they hurt you, you’ll end up hating the fact that you can’t hate them even a little. Because when you love someone, you’ll always love them. Even if the other person doesn’t feel the same way. Even if it’s killing you inside, when that person hurts you emotionally, you have to act like you don’t care.