I’ve been hurt so many times by just one person. The person I loved and trusted the most. The only person I never imagined ever, to abandon me. The one who made me so happy before. And I never expected that he’d be able to hurt me. I still can’t figure out how easy it was for him to just leave me like this. I never expected that losing him would hurt so much that I forgot how to live. I cannot focus on my job, I can’t focus on anything. I forgot how to be happy, how to smile, how to get along with people, with my friends. I forgot how to take care of myself. I’ve been having health issues lately. I almost got hospitalized and he didn’t even gave a damn. I forgot who I am. I don’t know how to be myself again. I’m not perfect. I have flaws. I made mistakes as well. But what I’m going through right now is just really tearing me into pieces. I forgot everything and I’m sorry but I was so damn inlove with this person and I was so damn happy that I can’t handle this pain and sadness. I don’t know how to be okay, or if I’ll be okay. I don’t even know myself anymore. Unfortunately, I’m so lost and I don’t know where or how to find myself. I’m so broken and I don’t know how to be myself again. I didn’t just lose him, I lost myself too. So please tell me, how?
When I met you, I saw that you were perfect, and I fell inlove with you. Then I found out that you’re not perfect, and I loved you even more.
When you met me, you saw that I was perfect, and you fell inlove with me. But you found out that I’m not perfect. You can’t accept me, you pushed me away. You let me go.
I thought that love is accepting someone beyond all imperfections. I never thought that losing you could hurt so much.
I remember our first kiss. We kissed under the rain. It was raining so hard but we didn’t care. It was the sweetest kiss ever.
I remember one time, I was so damn sleepy. I fell asleep while we kiss. It was the funniest kiss ever.
I remember our last kiss. I wanted to feel your lips with mine, but you didn’t want to. But still, I kissed you. And you walked away. It was the most painful kiss ever.
I hope one day you’ll look back on all the happy moments we had. I hope that you remember how happy and crazy we were. And everything else is just a bunch of test that we have to pass. When that time comes, I’ll still be here, patiently waiting.
There I was, standing in front of you with tears in my eyes, unable to say what I so desperately wanted to say. You stood there, silently waiting as the burning in my throat intensified with each word that went unsaid. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t do it. My throat was on fire and I didn’t have the courage to put it out. I knew that your arms around me would smother the flames, and that your lips on mine would reignite them in a completely different way. But I was crying, and you were standing there looking at me with pity in your eyes. So I said nothing, my body frozen with fear as the fire raged on inside. And I let you leave.
The funny thing is that I had known exactly what I wanted to say.
I would have told you that I want you and that ever since you left all that I can think about is my head on your chest and your arms all around me.
I would have told you that I long for your legs to once again be intertwined with mine; how I miss the way you would move against me while you slept and the sleepy, confused face you would make when you woke up.
I would have told you that I still stay up late thinking of you. And that the first thing I think of when I wake up is you, too.
I would have told you that my days are empty without hearing from you, and that I still haven’t figured out how to fill the void you’ve left in my life.
I would have told you that you had awakened something in me that I had previously thought I wasn’t capable of feeling. That I don’t know how to go back to being my old self without you, and worse, I’m not sure that I want to.
I would have told you that I want to eat dinner with you even though I have to go to work at midnight, because the future wouldn’t matter if you were here with me now.
I would have told you that I miss your stupid sense of humor that used to make me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe, and the pleased little smirk you used to make as you watched me gasping for air.
I would have told you that I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street, because no matter how cold it is outside your hand in mine gives me all the warmth I need.
I would have told you that I want to make you so happy that as you lay in bed at night you start to wonder if it was all a dream.
I would have told you that I love your flaws, and that I love our differences, because we balance each other out in a way I never thought possible.
I would have told you that I want to be constantly surprised by you, to learn something new about you every day, because I can’t imagine ever possibly being bored by you.
I would have told you that I want to be what you reach for when you wake up in the middle of the night, that I would wrap my arms around you like no blanket ever could.
And lastly, I would have told you that I need you, and only you, in the simplest of ways.
But instead, I let you walk away. Because these are all things that I’ll never say.
Revised. Originally by Jordan Taylor.