Time

It was 2 years ago. But I can still remember the exact same words you said to me that night. I remember every damn word you said.

Will you be my girlfriend? 

I looked at you straight in the eye. 

Are you sure? There’s no turning back once I say yes. 
Then you said, Yes I’m sure. I love you. 

And I said Yes

Look at where we are now. I told you there’s no turning back. And you agreed. You told me before that if we are to have a child, you won’t leave me and you’ll take the responsibility. Now we have a five month old child and you just abandoned us. You abandoned him. Why is it that time changed everything? Even You?

Another Chapter

I honestly don’t know how I survived 2015. It wasn’t my year at all. So much drama, so many tears,  all those sleepless nights, I almost lost my job, I almost died! Haha. An entire year wasted because of one person. But I’m still here. And one thing’s for sure, I learned a lot. 

No matter how much goodness you show everyone, if they don’t like you, you can’t please them. 

Whatever you do, whether good or bad, people will always say something about you. 

Loving someone makes us do the impossible, even if you have nothing left for yourself. 

You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions. 

There are really some kind of people out there who will take advantage of your kindness. 

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. 

There’s more to life than what you’re trying to hold on to. 

People leave all the time. 

The people we love will always hurt us. 

You should give your best all the time.

Be careful with what you say. Cause you can’t take them back no matter how much you apologize. 

Loving someone can really make us blind. 

Sorry is not the hardest word.

We are all selfish in our own ways. 

I’m sorry for everyone and everything I lost while I was in a total mess. Yes, I do have plans for 2016. And I’m sure that better things are coming my way. Because of all the things I learned. Because I already let go of what’s holding me back. Because I realized that I deserve all the wonderful things this life has to give, and I am worth it. 

Life

Whoever I am, whatever I am, wherever I am right now, is because of the choices I made. I cannot blame anyone, and I shouldn’t. Because I put myself in this situation. And ofcourse, I won’t be able to go back to the past. All the mistakes I made, all the wrong choices, they’re the reason why I’m here, why I’m still here. I wanted to give up, always wanted to give up. I know that anytime I’ll snap and just lose my mind. I fear that day to come, and I hope it won’t. I wanted to die, but I’m so afraid of dying. Funny thing is that, we always want something and we never get contented. It’s so hard to understand this thing called life. 

Stranded

You left her stranded alone when she needed you the most. You completely tore her to pieces then got annoyed at her for not being whole. Don’t ever tell me you didn’t know what you were doing because we both know you knew exactly what you were doing. Tell me, was it because you know she’s the best you could ever get so in your sick twisted mind you decided that you didn’t want her to realize her worth because you know she will leave you? Was it all just a game to you? How dare you come in like a tsunami and rip her world apart? How can you possibly have a clear concious? I can’t wait for the day she realizes you’re not worth shit, and stops crying over a boy who isn’t worth a tear. She has this unique beauty about her and guess what? You’re never going to find it in anyone else. She was one of a kind and you lost her. 

All Eyes On You – Alice Boman (Lyrics)



Lyrics of All Eyes On You by Alice Boman from her album EP II. It hit me, really hard.


You looked so good
When you entered the room
All eyes I swear
All eyes are on you 
It’s been so long
But some things never change
I still feel the same 

I don’t dare to make a move 
Too much at risk
Too much to lose 
This love is overtaking me
If you want me, I am yours 
If you want me, I am yours

You looked so good

When you entered the room 
All eyes I swear
All eyes are on you 
It’s been so long
But some things never change

And I still feel the same

I still feel the same
I still feel the same 

I Wish

I wish I could stop being inlove with you, I really do. I wish I could stop thinking about you. I wish I could stop talking about you. I wish I could stop looking at our photos and watching your videos on my phone. I wish I could stop myself from checking your Facebook timeline or your Instagram. I wish I could stop myself from waiting for you to say hi to me or to check if I’m okay. I wish I could stop remembering you in whatever I do or whatever I see, or in every song I listen to, or in every food I eat, or anywhere I go. I wish I could stop losing you everytime I remember you, every single time. I wish I could stop wishing for you to come back to me and to tell me that you still love me. I wish I could stop myself from crying everytime you cross my mind. But I can’t. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, no matter who I’m with, I can’t stop thinking about you and hoping that you’re with me. I can’t stop myself from wishing that you think of me too. I can’t stop waiting for you to come back. I can’t stop myself from loving you. And it’s so painful and depressing to see you happy, and that you don’t even give a damn about me. It’s like we never knew each other at all. And I can’t believe that after everything, it was so easy for you to treat me like a stranger. How could you break my heart every single time? How is it possible that I lose you every time? I don’t know where I went wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I loved you too much and you didn’t love me enough.

Lost

I’ve been hurt so many times by just one person. The person I loved and trusted the most. The only person I never imagined ever, to abandon me. The one who made me so happy before. And I never expected that he’d be able to hurt me. I still can’t figure out how easy it was for him to just leave me like this. I never expected that losing him would hurt so much that I forgot how to live. I cannot focus on my job, I can’t focus on anything. I forgot how to be happy, how to smile, how to get along with people, with my friends. I forgot how to take care of myself. I’ve been having health issues lately. I almost got hospitalized and he didn’t even gave a damn. I forgot who I am. I don’t know how to be myself again. I’m not perfect. I have flaws. I made mistakes as well. But what I’m going through right now is just really tearing me into pieces. I forgot everything and I’m sorry but I was so damn inlove with this person and I was so damn happy that I can’t handle this pain and sadness. I don’t know how to be okay, or if I’ll be okay. I don’t even know myself anymore. Unfortunately, I’m so lost and I don’t know where or how to find myself. I’m so broken and I don’t know how to be myself again. I didn’t just lose him, I lost myself too. So please tell me, how?

Quotes from Glee

Life has amazing challenges. I just saw Glee’s Season 6 Episode 1 and I got lots of wonderful quotes from this ep.

They say you have to lose everything before you can find yourself. – Rachel Berry

One missed step, that’s all you can get these days. – Rachel Berry

The power is created by the bending of the bow. The more the bow bends, the more potential energy is created. Life’s challenges are just the bending of a bow. The bigger the challenge, the more the bow bends, the more potential you create to do something amazing. All you have to do is find the purpose. Find the arrow that you’re gonna put in that bow. – Wil Schuester

The only difference in my situation is that the bow didn’t just bend, it broke. – Rachel Berry

You’re not gonna be defined by this failure. The future will judge you based on what you do to come back from it. – Will Schuester

Progress, Not Perfection

When I met you, I saw that you were perfect, and I fell inlove with you. Then I found out that you’re not perfect, and I loved you even more.

When you met me, you saw that I was perfect, and you fell inlove with me. But you found out that I’m not perfect. You can’t accept me, you pushed me away. You let me go.

I thought that love is accepting someone beyond all imperfections. I never thought that losing you could hurt so much.