I wish I could stop being inlove with you, I really do. I wish I could stop thinking about you. I wish I could stop talking about you. I wish I could stop looking at our photos and watching your videos on my phone. I wish I could stop myself from checking your Facebook timeline or your Instagram. I wish I could stop myself from waiting for you to say hi to me or to check if I’m okay. I wish I could stop remembering you in whatever I do or whatever I see, or in every song I listen to, or in every food I eat, or anywhere I go. I wish I could stop losing you everytime I remember you, every single time. I wish I could stop wishing for you to come back to me and to tell me that you still love me. I wish I could stop myself from crying everytime you cross my mind. But I can’t. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, no matter who I’m with, I can’t stop thinking about you and hoping that you’re with me. I can’t stop myself from wishing that you think of me too. I can’t stop waiting for you to come back. I can’t stop myself from loving you. And it’s so painful and depressing to see you happy, and that you don’t even give a damn about me. It’s like we never knew each other at all. And I can’t believe that after everything, it was so easy for you to treat me like a stranger. How could you break my heart every single time? How is it possible that I lose you every time? I don’t know where I went wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I loved you too much and you didn’t love me enough.
I’ve been hurt so many times by just one person. The person I loved and trusted the most. The only person I never imagined ever, to abandon me. The one who made me so happy before. And I never expected that he’d be able to hurt me. I still can’t figure out how easy it was for him to just leave me like this. I never expected that losing him would hurt so much that I forgot how to live. I cannot focus on my job, I can’t focus on anything. I forgot how to be happy, how to smile, how to get along with people, with my friends. I forgot how to take care of myself. I’ve been having health issues lately. I almost got hospitalized and he didn’t even gave a damn. I forgot who I am. I don’t know how to be myself again. I’m not perfect. I have flaws. I made mistakes as well. But what I’m going through right now is just really tearing me into pieces. I forgot everything and I’m sorry but I was so damn inlove with this person and I was so damn happy that I can’t handle this pain and sadness. I don’t know how to be okay, or if I’ll be okay. I don’t even know myself anymore. Unfortunately, I’m so lost and I don’t know where or how to find myself. I’m so broken and I don’t know how to be myself again. I didn’t just lose him, I lost myself too. So please tell me, how?